Everything is Perfect, Nothing is Permanent...

Have you ever been in a hot yoga class, just thinking to yourself “What in Buddha’s name am I doing here?”

You know what I’m talking about. You have been holding chair pose in a 105 degree room, your legs are shaking, your butt muscles are clenched so tight you fear they will never relax again, sweat is dripping down your brow into your eyes, and you can’t breathe, but the teacher is oh-so-kindly reminding everyone to breathe—“yoga is about the breath.”

Yes—there have been numerous times where I have questioned my intentions in that pose: the uncomfortable feeling running through my muscles; the increased heart rate.

Why am I doing this to myself?

Yet I keep coming back. I enjoy it enough to endure yoga teacher training.

Either I am a masochist or I’ve found that yoga is the true teacher of a peaceful life.

I love that pain. I crave that pain. That pain has led me to pure happiness. And at least 10 percent of the United States population is right on board with me—they love yoga too! Yoga has taught me the most important philosophy that you can apply to your life, every single day:

“Everything is perfect, nothing is permanent.” ~ Dharma Mittra

Every moment is exactly how it should be—it will not last forever. So soak up each second and enjoy that moment, for it was designed for your journey.

When you are ready to give up, your body feels that it has had enough, and you think “I cannot physically do this anymore,” know that the pain is not permanent, but it is perfect.

In that moment, you are exactly where you are supposed to be: sweating out those cocktails from last night’s dinner, legs shaking, skin crying. With each drop of sweat, with each ounce of ego —letting it all go!

This is where I have found myself.

When I’ve wanted to give up on that ledge of uncomfortableness and unfamiliarity—I let go, and I found my truth. While sitting on that edge, you can consciously see everything that serves you and everything that does not. You discover what to nurture and what to dismiss.

In my most trying times, yoga has been the outlet that saved the shine in my soul. Whether it was a breakup, the loss of a friend, problems at work, or just the daily grind—yoga has been a place where I feel safe to let go and be.

I dive in to my practice and I let the sweat, the pain, the tears, and the edge sort out where I am meant to go next.

I let it be in each breath.

There is something so inspiring and spiritual in enduring that uncomfortable period of time and to arise from it with a strong, shining soul. If you’ve yet to experience the gift of yoga, I highly encourage you to give it a whirl. Imagine it as a counseling session where your mind and body are wrung clean of all negative thoughts and emotions.

To me, there is nothing better than that “yoga high.”

When I first began my serious yoga journey, my soul was dull. My heart was broken. I was stuck in a negative mindset. I didn’t even want to breathe anymore, let alone go to a class where all I was told to do was focus on my breath. So like any other masochist, I dove in headfirst into a 30 day yoga challenge.

With each inhale I felt alive. With each exhale I let go.

Did I finally discover the place where I could find happiness? Myself? My calling? Was I finally blooming?!

For us to blossom as individuals, we must endure the muck, the dirt, and the unclear waters. We must suffer to know happiness. We must endure pain to know pleasure. We must live to know death. And just as the beautiful lotus flower, we emerge from the murky waters with the most captivating colors and petals. We embody nature’s beauty and her grace.

We change with each breath, with each new experience.

Full of life. Full of brightness.

As humans, we were made to endure struggle so that we may grow and blossom—so that may discover the true nature of the world.

Just remember: it is not permanent, but it is perfect!

How do I Put Back Together my Paper Mâché Heart?...

There are many articles, blogs, journals, songs and an endless amount of words that preach the gospel of love.

Love makes the world go round.

And I find it almost cliché to write another blog about love, but love is what saves us. Holds us. Comforts us. It doesn’t have to be love from another; it can be love from ourselves. It can also hurt you, break you, bruise you.

Love starts out with that elated feeling. You are soaring high through sunny skies and rainbows. You smile at the thought of your love and just seeing your love gives your stomach butterflies. On the opposing side, you suffer.

One of the most difficult things any soul goes through is that of a breakup or a loss.

They suck. Literally—they suck the life out of you.

They reach deep into your chest, take your heart and squeeze it until it feels like it will explode. Then it’s released, feeling deflated, bruised, broken and torn to a million little pieces.

It leaves us to question: How in the hell am I going to fix this one? How do I put back together my paper mâché heart?

Sometimes we just have to get crafty. Some of us choose to never love again after our heart has been swallowed whole and then spit right back out.

We then may feel like a cruel and heartless being after having ripped out the essential organ that keeps us alive, the one that motivates our purpose in life.

Some of us take months, even years to try and rebuild what has been bruised, broken, torn to pieces.

The first step in repairing it is to grasp that there is no set time on how long it takes to heal. Everyone is different. Allow that to be understood and accepted.

Countless times people have told me “you should be over it by now,” but I couldn’t be. It wasn’t my time. I wasn’t ready to forgive, to let go. I felt I didn’t have the tools I needed, the courage, the acceptance, the forgiveness, to get over that pain.

We have to want to get over the pain! And then it will come. When I decided that I wanted it, everything beautiful poured itself into my life.

The second step and hardest for most, is learning to let go. What’s done is done. We must live our life in the present and not the past. That time has come and gone use it as a lesson on how we want to live our present day life. Forgive them, forgive yourself, and forgive the situation.

Breathe and let be. When the time comes, when we have met a soul that moves us like no other, but we are so scared because of our past.

The third step is learning to love ourselves. If we do not love ourselves, how do we expect others to be open to loving us back?

It’s a two way street and we both have to meet in the middle. We are all worthy of our own love, so do it!

Court yourself. Know yourself enough to let someone else have the glorious opportunity of knowing it as well.

In my own personal love expedition, it took a few frogs for me to find my prince. I never allowed myself to be open with any one, until he came along. In him I saw the same guardedness. I saw the same pain. The same break. The same bruise.

I knew deep down that we had and endless amount of potential because we had both been to hell and back.

Having spent the last two years learning to let go and love myself, I felt I was ready for love. I let go. I let it happen. I let everything about him swallow me whole. It was the most beautiful, yet scary, thing I have done.

Letting my walls down for him to see my vulnerability. Ugh. Just the thought of that makes me cringe, but he still loved every bit of me. And isn’t love worth that?

It’s a scary and liberating thing to let your heart love again. Knowing that they may or may not feel the same. That they may leave at any given moment. That this could just be a short lived fantasy. That you may not be all that they need.

But life is too short to live with the maybes and what ifs.

I want to share these moments with someone that appreciates all that embodies me. Me and my paper mâché heart.

“Happiness, only real when shared.” ~ Christopher McCandless

By allowing my heart to be open and full of love, I can now share happiness with the world. Sharing happiness and spreading happiness is a gift of a job and I thank my loves for allowing me that opportunity.

Life Lessons From A Child...

Today I watched a little girl dance on her front porch.

So happy. So carefree.

This is how we were meant to live.

Dancing in the rain.

Laughing at the dogs playing.

Taking the time to stop and smell the glorious nectar of the flowers.

Day dreaming of where we want to be, how we want to be, and what we want to do.

We live life in the fast lane.

Not taking the time to stop and enjoy the gifts that have been bestowed upon us. These gifts that are living proof that the Mother cares.

Not taking the time to nurture our heart’s desires. Our heart’s dreams.

Children are the perfect examples of happiness and how we should continue to live. Their outlook on life is full of wonder, astonishment, curiosity and unconditional love.

As we grow, we harden. We stop letting our imaginations run wild. We stop appreciating the simple gifts of nature because we simply “do not have the time.” We are continually told that we must have a good job, with good benefits, and provide a good life for ourselves our family.

But what about our imaginations—why are we not encouraged to use our imagination to create this good life?

Why are we not encouraged to enjoy the gifts given to us? To nurture these gifts can create an abundance of happiness, life and love.

Our society pushes us away from our childlike nature. Forcing many of us to lose sight into who we are. We are focused on what drives society as a whole, money and success, often breaking us down.

We must pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off. Like we just fell off of our bicycle and we scraped up our knee.

As a whole, our society should encourage us to use our imaginations. Think of the endless possibilities! We could solve some of the world’s most horrific tribulations if our imaginations were allowed to manifest into real world actions.

American society should take the time to slow down. Enjoy life and what we have made for ourselves. Most are too busy working and dying to enjoy the life they have made for themselves.

As a child, did these things cross our mind? No. We knew we were meant to live! To live a rich and full life of enjoyment and happiness.

This little girl reminded me of this.

Life is beautiful.

Don’t lose your childhood dreams. They were dreamt for a reason.

Be playful. Play doctor. Play chef. Play vet.

Question life. Ask questions. Search for answers.

Life is full of music for those who are willing to listen. Take the time each day to enjoy that music.

Enjoy the movement that our body makes.

Relish in the laughter that comes from deep within.

Bathe in the moonlight.

Catch the lightning bugs.

Dance in the rainstorms.

Embrace what Mother Nature provided for us.

Be carefree and open to all that surrounds us.

Slow down and taste the spice of life.

The Importance of Wanting What We Have...

“Think about everything that you have and want that. Want what you have and not what you don’t have.” ~ Unknown

When I first heard this quote, it really resonated with me—it’s so simple, yet so complex.

I looked to my left and saw my beautiful man. I realized in that moment that I am so blessed to have this wonderful soul to share this experience with, and to share this journey of my life with.

Say it with me: I want what I have!

I want my debt.

I want my aching hip.

I want my curves.

I want my glasses.

I want all of this because it is me.

These little flaws make me the person I am.

The journey I have been on is mine and I want it!

In this generation, we are too often consumed with what we don’t have, with what we are lacking. We spend an eternity searching for something else.

We fixate on that and forget and lose sight of what is right in front of us, real and true.

Can we ever be happy and content?

We must be willing to let go of the search for something that is not feeding our souls. What may be right for me may not be right for you.

We must know what our true dreams and desires entail. We can manifest these by being grateful for what we already have.

Thankfulness and appreciation for what we have creates a peace like no other. This peace makes your soul shine and openness up your heart to new possibilities that were divinely created for you.

Want what you have!

Loving Our Flaws...

There are far too many of us that are insecure and uncomfortable in our own skin.

We feel like a stranger living in this shell that we are not cohesively in tune with. Our minds have found this alien body to hop into and wreak havoc on our body image. We are unhappy in this vessel that moves us throughout this life.

We keep thinking that if our body changed, we’d achieve more happiness, more love, more adornment from our partners—from the world.

We want to shed that muffin top. Work those biceps. Get a breast augmentation—all in hopes that society will smile its perfectly whitened, straight and wicked grin upon us and bless our rock hard body. However, an endless amount of plastic surgery and exercise still cannot mend our unscrupulous body image.

Our view of ourselves is within, within the labyrinth of our own ideas, our own mind, and societies requisites.

Our mind is holding the key to that happiness, love, and adornment that we are searching for. We must find it within selves to be accepting of all that we are.

Often body image issues are considered to be only that of women, more so adolescent women. But this insulting behavior from our mind is not only for the feminine species—men are also plagued by these insecurities as well. There are no age nor gender stipulations—it can have a hold of all of us, if we let it. But instead, we should cognitively take the steps below to learn to love our flaws.

Our flaws make us who we are.

We must take time to explore our bodies. Look in front of a mirror and get familiar with who you are. The areas that you detest, spend extra time on them. Let your eyes get familiar with how you look. All in hopes that your perception will change.

Trace the maps of your body.Take a journey through your rocky spine, your valleys, your hills. Get to know how you feel. Where you are soft, where you are calloused, where it tickles…

Watch yourself breathe. You will find such astonishment and respect for all that your body does every day to be alive, just for you! Watch the fall of your lungs and chest rise up and down. The way your diaphragm can push your belly in and out—nurturing with the pure essence of being.

Find comfort in being nude. It’s liberating and complete freedom. You can see all that your body does hidden behind the constraints of clothes. The muscles that are used to walk. The way your back curves at the slightest angle when you stand up. Reverence for the glorious god or goddess that you are, will develop.

Finding a partner that worships your body and soul can show you an endless amount of courage to fall in love with yourself and worship your body and soul as well. Your partner loves your body—so why don’t you? They embrace all that embodies who we are. They love our body for all that it is. The flaws that we see—they have yet to find them. The cellulite on our butt, the way our thighs touch, a few extra pounds—all of these things our partner only sees a gorgeous ass, delectable thighs, and a curvy body that is soft and requesting their touch.

I am living testament of body dysmorphia.

I spent my middle school and high school years being overly consumed on how I looked and how the world perceived me. I ate very little and I worked out everyday to burn all of the calories I consumed. I was never happy with my body—even at 95 pounds I thought I was fat, ugly, and that no one would ever love me.

I found that when I was very uncomfortable with my body, there was something I could learn from it. And this was the process of me learning to love my flaws. What made me uncomfortable, someone else loved. Why was I being so silly?!

Over the years, I have explored myself.

I found that I love food, so why torture myself. I love working out too, but refuse to kill myself just so I can eat that pizza—I’ll just eat the pizza. I’m curvy. I was made this way, so I embrace it. I don’t beat myself up for not fitting in a size zero anymore. I’m actually more comfortable being naked, in my own skin, my own glory!

We are all human. It’s okay to have insecurities, we all do. But do not let them consume you and take away from the shining light that you are.

Let Loneliness Steep in Your Existence

Being alone can be petrifying, unfamiliar, and an intimidating thought for most. So many people are afraid to be alone. Afraid to be single because they feel that it makes them less than others. They are craving a love, which we all do-innately it is what we were designed to do. Without it they feel as though they are living an incomplete existence.

Placing our happiness on another soul is the perfect equation for disappointment and discontent. We can never be truly happy with another soul if we are not first happy with our own heart and soul, all alone, fighting a one man/woman battle.

One. There are songs forcing the thought that “One is the loneliest number” into our easily subjective brains. Really? I’ve found that one is the perfect numerical power to finding out all there is to know about myself. Silence breeds knowledge. And complete and utter silence takes place when there is ONE heart beating in the woods.

I spent the majority of my first quarter of life being in some kind of ‘relationship.’ Never fully experiencing living alone, eating alone, sleeping alone, no one to lean on when the times got hard, etc. Then I spent 2 solid years of not being in a relationship and that was the most amazing two years I could have ever dreamt of. I learned so much about who I am as a person. What it is I truly want in life, without the push to be something I’m not because that is the desire of someone else. I learned that I can do anything, on my own, without someone else. How liberating?!

I refused to settle, just to avoid loneliness.

I sat in loneliness and let it steep in my existence.

In the passing of those 300 moons I came to understand what it took for me to love, what I love, how I love, what made me tick, what made me breathe, what soothes my soul in trying times. I was an entirely liberated and free woman. I would have never learned these things if I continued searching and combing through each heart that was presented to me.

Do not settle for love. Do not love unless it is a mad passionate extraordinary love. Let it shake up your world. Let it make you grow. Let it lead you to adventures. Let it create the exploration of yourself.

While you are sitting in loneliness, try, key word try, to be celibate- sex can complicate things. The dance of two souls is just that, you are seeing the most vulnerable and raw part of a person when you go to bed with them. The absence of physical desire makes you appreciate the physicality of your future relations and you can learn what you really want in another. What really turns you on, off, and just makes your entire existence go crazy that you must have that person for eternity.

So…

Surround yourself with amazing friends. You are the company in which you keep.

Eat bountiful amounts of chocolate.

Date-yourself. Learn how to take yourself out.

Learn to love yourself and the abundance and pure love will find it’s way to your heart.

Listen to your heart. If it doesn’t feel right- it’s not.

And be content in sitting with your own thoughts and beat of your heart.

You will find what makes your soul sing.

Trust in the Universe.

The Yoga Pants Phenomenon

Hot yoga is so hot…seriously- it's hot…but damn so are those yoga pants and that booty in them!

As a society we have collectively become more interested in Eastern spirituality, food, culture, rituals, etc. Yoga has become one of the most researched topics and most sought after activity in many cities. There are yoga studios on every corner in some towns. Online yoga communities are everywhere on Facebook. #yogaeverydamnday people! People are relentlessly on Instagram showing off their inversions or pretzel-esque moves.

I personally have been taken over by the ‘craze’ and being in a teacher-training program I am engulfed in all that is yoga. Being engulfed in all that is yoga also means the new “yoga fashion” will be ever present in my everyday life. Sadly part of this yoga lifestyle I am referring to is the insane marketing to fellow yogis to pay $90 for some stretchy black pants, that yes- do make my ass look amazing, but that’s besides my point- so many companies are robbing us yogis, some blindly.

It is very understandable if the clothes are made of organic materials, withhold the copious amount of sweat our bodies produce throughout our practice, can sustain the twists and stretches without tearing, and the profit supports a good cause (feeding the starving, sheltering the homeless), but when there are small children slaving away so I can have an Om symbol over my breasts - I've got to stop and say no to that designer.

Many companies are profiting on the yoga lifestyle. Marketing on our spiritual journey. It is a smart business; there is no doubt about that and no harm with that. We live in a free world where we can sell and buy what we want. And in no way am I condemning any business for profiting or making a living off of the yoga market- I am simply asking all of my fellow yogi’s and yogini’s to be more cognitive of what you are buying, why you are buying it, etc. If it is good quality, evokes certain energy within oneself, memories, or helps you to feel comfortable with yourself- by all means proceed. It if is just because it’s what’s hot, your friends would be jealous, you want to impress someone- check your intentions before you buy that.

Yoga isn’t about what you wear, where you got your spandex, how much you spent… it’s about the journey on the inside. In your soul you can manifest all the wealth in the world and those yoga pants that cost $90 mean nothing. Hell, your ass will look good on it’s own because of your yoga practice physically altering your body.

We live in a materialistic and product driven society- and I myself struggle with wanting the magical unicorn leggings or the lotus mala seed, but I find that it’s not about what I wear to yoga- or what I’ve bought- but my own spiritual journey. Life is an everyday yoga practice- so this concept carries out to me in my purchases of my everyday clothing. Buy from companies that have good intentions, that want to change the world in which we live in with the profits of our hard earned dollars.

And know that it is not what you have that makes you you. Your clothes, your water bottle, your mala, your slender rock hard body- it’s just a shell and extras that are covering what is truly beautiful and priceless- your beautiful loving, nurturing, caring soul.