Thursday, March 13, 2014

Be in love...

If you've never been around a bunch of yogis/yoginis, then you may not understand the peace that comes from being in a hot sweaty room filled with 5-40 strangers (or are we?!) who have just completed an intense physical and spiritual journey on that magic yoga mat! The moment I felt that- I understood true gratitude, true peace within my self, and the most important for me…self-love! People can call people who practice yoga: hippies, dirty hippies, etc., and I am completely fine with that! Thank you for the compliment! 

Yoga saved me from myself! I was in a really dark place…I was fearful of all the change coming my way, the idea of being alone, the pain and heartbreak of divorce, picking up the pieces and rebuilding myself…Would anyone ever love me again? Why didn't it work? What could I have done differently? Why didn't I do it differently? I mean- the list can go on and on… but I will not bore you with those cynical and mediocre thoughts. When I strip away all of the emotions and analyze the questions of how I felt, it ultimately boiled down to one thing- I did not love myself enough to be content with being "alone." I had spent my entire life being who I thought other people wanted me to be, therefore always having someone, but never having myself. It was not them that made me feel inferior, it was my own ego. I never truly learned to love myself, how could I expect myself to love others or for others to fully love me?

I started one Monday night by randomly taking a bikram class with a friend. The yoga high I got after that class was so amazing! Upon leaving, they told me about a 30 day challenge, 30 yoga classes in 30 days! Heck- sign me up! So I did…those 30 days I saw the most growth I have ever seen within myself- physically, spiritually, and emotionally. From that point on, I took many more classes, finding myself in the postures, sweat, heat, and within the community of yogis/yoginis! One teacher in particular, I call her my mentor, focuses more on the spirituality, the true journey of yourself through yoga…this teacher helped show me myself! She encouraged me when I wanted to give up. Her loving and nurturing character was there for me when I needed it most. She helped me find the path to loving my mind, my heart, my soul, and my body.

I'm still on the journey…it is life- it does not end until you take your last breath. I now know gratitude from witnessing my fellow classmates thank our instructor for encouraging us, being thankful for the time we spent on the mat, for the prayers and positive thoughts given to us in that moment, and for the ability to be egoless in a world where ego drives most. Oh and I am so grateful when they hand us that cold lavender doused towel! :) I now know true peace within myself from laying in savasana after class, relaxing, letting go of all the hard work I put in, letting go of that journey and letting the Universe just guide me to where

I am supposed to be next. I know that when my mind is rambling, my heart is hurting, to take a few minutes and open up my body, my mind! Do a few poses and feel what is true and real: my breath, my body, my soul! I now know self-love…I am thankful for everything that makes me me, the good, the bad, the ugly…without those- I would not be me…I love my mind for all that it can comprehend, all that it can learn, and all that it struggles with. I love my heart for it's never ending ability to see the potential in everyone…I love my soul for it's ability to pick up the pieces and move on when it is ready (the only patient thing within my existence is my soul…my heart, body, and mind- not so much)…I love my body for waking every morning, breathing every second, embracing Mother Nature, music, and good food! I can honestly say now- I love myself. It's not a self-centered, narcissistic, conceited, egotistical thing to do…It's a healthy love that will only help further your capabilities of love with other souls!

I leave you with Namaste..."I honor the place in you where Spirit lives, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Truth, of Light, of Peace, when you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, then we are One."
This picture is on my vision board :) 

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