I was looking for feelings/thoughts/emotions during a certain time in my life, when I came across a bunch of sad pathetic entries. These entries just made me sad and overcome with grief for that broken woman I once was. Every one was the same damn thing, now mind you it was over an extended period of time, but I only wrote about the negative, never the positive.
I didn’t even mention the love I found in my heart during that summer with a soul I had always cared for. I just wrote about the darkness that I let consume the molecules that make me Hannah.
What a shame that I could not see that there was positivity around me—love and caring—all that I needed to bring me back from depression.
It led me to the subject of negativity/positivity. I was very depressed and no one knew it. I hid it, or maybe I just thought I hid it.
I let people know my pain, but not the depths—I kept that for myself.
I searched for myself in others; I wasn’t there.
It took me being alone to find myself. Others were there to offer love, light, laughter, etc., but I just didn’t want it. I wanted to be blue.
Depression is contagious and I was of a weak mind.
I soaked up the blue days around me and made them mine. I fed into the pity, self-loathing and clinginess. I was a mess! I honestly thought that it would never end and I would always be so unhappy with life that I would never again experience the joys I had once embraced.
There are so many people suffering from depression, yet there is still a stigma that we shouldn’t be depressed. I want everyone to know it is okay to feel down and wallow just a bit in your sadness because it makes the sweet that much sweeter, it shows you what you want and don’t want, and it helps you to find your true feelings and rawness! I encourage you to talk about it too. Let’s end the stigma!! And if you have thoughts of ending your life, please reach out for help! Please!
Your life is worth living, I promise!
I personally believe in the power of thought, that what you put into the universe is what you get back. So all that time I put negativity out in my journal, I received it in my life. When I put out positive affirmations, positive things happen! Living the proof of that delicious pudding!
Be careful how you speak throughout your day. It’s okay to complain, we all do it, but don’t let it consume you and don’t let it be a daily habit.
After reading that horrible journal I wanted to burn all that negativity, but I won’t because it gives me insight in to where I was and where I came from. Who I am now is not the same woman I was before and I fought damn hard to be different from that negative Nancy!
A little lesson I try to live by is, for every negative thought I have or word I say, I try to put out two positive thoughts or words. This is a method of counteracting my poor thoughts, feelings and words.
Let’s stop breaking each other down.
Let’s build each other up and share compliments and love!